Worry

Someone on Oprah once said "They take the baby out and put the worry in". Such truth... Although I was not a mother back then, it had caught my attention and somehow I remembered it through the years. And seconds after delivering my baby, I "lived" it. When the nurses took him to another room to clean and weigh him, I had already started to worry about him. And it hasn't stopped for the least 2 years, 3 months and 4 days. What's more I actually "understand" why my mom hasn't stopped worrying about me even though I'm almost 33. She was right (as always), you only get it when you become a parent... It's true what they say: Motherhood is 24/7 and lasts a lifetime. No vacations, no retirement.
In the days that followed the birth of my son, the worry only increased. In the first weeks I would regularly check on him to see if he was still  breathing.  These days, I worry about him when I go out and leave him with his father or grandma. I worry if he has eaten, taken his nap, oh and did he ask for me? I even worry when he is the next room. Eventually you get used to living with the worry.(Otherwise you would literally go nuts)
I try not to think about the future; how I am going to leave him by himself in preschool, going out by himself one day, eventually riding public transport, zoom to 16 years later-going off to college-by himself-faster heartbeat-panic attack starting... Like I said I TRY not to think.. I've got enough worries for today!

Ok, the biggest dilemma of a mom. Picture this: your toddler falls asleep by himself (something as rare as yellow diamonds, he fell asleep by himself only 5 times in his lifetime of 25 months) long before his bedtime. You have nothing planned for this precious and  spontanous "free time". Panic takes over. What if I can't use this time effectively? Or worse, what if I decide to sit around lazily and the next day I think of a million things "I could have done". Like I said big dilemma... When you are student AND a mom, your day is so full that you actually have it planned to the minute. So after 3 weeks of stressful exams, a 48-hour-bug and a long day of entertaining company, here I am sitting on the couch and feeling genuinely "guilty" for having free time. Now I will go and either do something amazing or just lie lazily. Will inform you about the outcome.

hello!

So.. here is my much anticipated blog.. It's the year 2014 and I'm writing a blog for the first time in my life.(yeah, didn't even write one back when it was cool to have a blog) I actually don't have much to say right now. Just finished final exams, so... summer vacation? N-o.. Moms don't have summer vacations or weekends or national holidays et cetera, et cetera.. Everyday is pretty much the same: up at 8:30 to the voice of a toddler "mommy-get up-GET UP!"(In the coming days I will enlighten you more on the topic of "How Much My Son Hates to Sleep, Sleeping People and Even the Notion of Sleep"). Anyway I jump out of bed with half opened eyes and it's all downhill from there.. I don't wanna bore anyone with the details of my mundane and monotonous daily routine of cooking, feeding, changing diaper then feeding again and no surprise changing diaper again...playing dinosaurs and playdough and reading stories in between the feedings and ofcourse the "fun" house chores I try to squeeze in...Believe me it's so much more boring than it sounds. Will get back to you as soon as something "exciting" happens. Promise.